remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Boobs speak an international language.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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