I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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