she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
