WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she peed on how many people?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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