Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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