Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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