What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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