I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
