Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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