heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
