I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
