Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize