I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
