I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
