i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you never un-have a 4some
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
