I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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