last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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