The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
