I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
