do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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