He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
