i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
