those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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