I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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