it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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