I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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