in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am naked and annoyed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
