im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
