Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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