i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
