i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
