Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
