When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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