i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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