She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
