my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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