4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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