i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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