So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
