So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
