I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
