you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
