return my video game
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
