Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
