he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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