just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
