i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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