Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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