BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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