Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
are you so shy because you have an std?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
