How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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