Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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