I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize