yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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