well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
