Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you never un-have a 4some
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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