how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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