trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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