I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
