I'm eating all of the evidence.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
