He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
