i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
