So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
