508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
