I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
