And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
