I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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