i just wanna soil my oats bro
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
