My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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