I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
time to smoke my breakfast
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
