I wanna passion pit in your ass
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
