And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wear drunk well.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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