i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
