if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
